Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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