The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
