Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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