My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
