just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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