ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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