____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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