11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I bet he comes in French.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
