I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
We are all done wearing pants today
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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