omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
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