God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
A+ Viking dick
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
