He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
