Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
