you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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