kristin has been a bad kristin
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
