so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
