i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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