Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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