Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
