Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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