The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
