I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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