Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
