I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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