They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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