He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The adults are the big ones right?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
