no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
