what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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