I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
