just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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