You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Hippo gnu deer
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
