i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
