3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
