Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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