You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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