Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
