I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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