We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
