Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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