So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
