the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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