Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
