I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
is wine microwaveable?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
