i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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