i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
