the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
