come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
