Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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