I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
