i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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