if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
