So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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