I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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