Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
