Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Please don't give away my fajitas
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
