I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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