Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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